The Things I'll Miss About You
by LadyDae
Summary: Oneshot companion piece to my Sanctioned Series inspired by Carrie Fisher's recent Death: Ahsoka loved all her children dearly, surrogate and biological. But Leia had been different. Ahsoka wasn't sure she'd ever get over her princess's death. Very AU. PLEASE READ the Author's note.


**AN:** So typically I put all my author's notes at the end of my stories nowadays but I felt like this piece needed some context. This was inspired by the recent death of Carrie Fisher and Debbir Reynolds. It was heartbreaking that they both happened back to back, but tragically romantic and poetic. I got the idea also from a meme that pointed out that Leia's mother died of heartbreak after she was born in Star Wars and in real life Leia's mother dies of heartbreak after her death. Therefore this is a companion piece to my _Sanctioned_ series in which Ahsoka steals Leia away after she's born to be raised by her father who has become Darth Vader, influenced by Padmé's conviction even at her deathbed that there is good in him. If you're interested in reading the story, it's in my profile. But you really don't have to read it to enjoy this as long as you keep in mind this is totally AU. And there's also background in the text to give a little context in what kind of universe they live in too. So without further ado, enjoy!

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Ahsoka woke up with a bad feeling. An omen. And she'd had enough omens in eighty years to know that she shouldn't dismiss them. But this omen wasn't a warning, wasn't anything the Force seemed to be telling her that she could stop or avoid. It was more like a heads up, a warning to brace herself.

There wasn't enough warning in the world that could have prepared her for Leia's death.

She felt it about ten minutes before she got the call from Shmi, telling her to come to Coruscant right away. And even though Shmi had been reluctant to tell her what was going on over comm, she'd forced her daughter to tell her when she bluntly asked what happened to her surrogate daughter.

Even at sixty years old, Leia was as much a force to be reckoned with as she had been when Ahsoka had raised her in hiding away from the prying eyes of the rest of the galaxy. She had her birth mother's political and people savvy as well as her father's infamous temper (albeit more controlled) and keen Force talent. After Emperor Palpatine had been killed and Darth Vader had perished in the effort, while Ahsoka hadn't been able to overcome her grief, it was Leia who championed not defeat and obliteration, but truce with what remained of the Empire citing the Clone Wars as a result of those with power and ruling classes failure to listen to the grievances of those with less power, whom Palpatine had taken advantage of to come to power. And it was she who championed the opposition in the senate when it was proposed that the army be dismantled and reduced even though many had called her paranoid. And when despite all their efforts for peace, to give and take with the remnants of the empire, it was Leia with her siblings help who had taken up arms to fight against the First Order when the New Republic hadn't taken the threat seriously.

So it seemed so anticlimactic that she hadn't died in battle, that she hadn't died from being assassinated. Instead it was a heart attack on the way with Shmi, the Commanding General of the armed forces of the New Republic—a position she'd been given in exchange for her title as Empress which would finalize the transition of the empire into a New Republic when she threatened not to step down when they wouldn't acquiesce to her fight to keep the army—to speak with the senate about the effort against the First Order. They'd been twenty minutes from dropping out of hyperspace when Leia clutched her chest and gasped for breath before collapsing. And by the time they dropped out of hyperspace and landed, she'd hadn't been breathing for ten minutes. And while when Ahsoka made it to the planet they'd assured her that Leia was okay in intensive care and in stable condition, Ahsoka already knew Leia was gone. The doctor's confirmation four days later only confirmed what the Force had already told her.

Condolences poured out to them from the media and the holonet to the Skywalker family that remained. And just like after the war the where Leia had influenced the media and holonet to spin the tragic tale of Darth Vader to save some of her father's legacy, the media spun the heroic and admiral tale Leia Skywalker, Darth Vader's princess. They covered how she grew up in hiding with Ahsoka away from the prying eyes of the Emperor who would have had her killed for having powers like the Jedi. How she had been whisked away as a teenager to the protection of the Jedi and the Rebellion at the time and met her twin brother. How she had been vital in the destruction of the Second Death Star and helped lead the final stand against the Emperor on Mustafar and then her role in the resulting government. Pictures flooded the internet of her through various times in her life as a young woman in her twenties, a picture of her serving as a decoy for Princess Winter of Alderaan with her hair in two buns on the side of her head, and even one of her as a teenager that Ahsoka wasn't sure how the media had gotten their hands on.

And for as many mentions of Leia as there were, there were just as many mentions of the woman who'd been her surrogate mother, the only one able to handle and tame the spitfire that was Leia Skywalker. She must be heartbroken, they said of Ahsoka, devastated, unable to cope. They talked about how the two had been close, posting photos of the togruta woman and her human charge at galas, in battles, and at the school retreat for force sensitives that Ahsoka had started away from the prying eyes of the rest of the galaxy. She certainly wondered about how they got those pictures. And though they weren't off from the truth—she was heartbroken, she was devastated, she was unable to cope—she put out a short statement to demonstrate her supposed strength, uncomfortable with the fact that it seemed the galaxy knew her so well.

"You okay?"

Ahsoka looked up to see her tall half human son, Malachi, standing behind her. He put his hand on her shoulder and Ahsoka reached to put her own hand over it.

"I'm fine. It's Luke you should be asking that. Leia was his twin. They came into the world together and now his constant companion is gone."

Malachi shrugged and said, "They were companions, sure, but Luke and Leia have never been as close as you and Leia are… were."

That was true. While they would have fought to the death for each other, the twins were too different in their philosophies and temperament to be as close as being twins meant they should have been. No doubt it was the result of being raised under two different worlds. One by the Jedi and the other by a rogue Jedi at best and her Sith Father.

"I'm fine," Ahsoka assured.

"You sure about that. Shmi's concerned that you're… not letting yourself grieve."

"Only the Force is eternal," Ahsoka assured. "Leia is one with it now."

Malachi nodded and made his way out the room and only then did Ahsoka let out a sigh of relief and let herself shudder with her heartache. This was worse than when Vader died. She'd been devastated, but she'd always had a feeling that the man had a rendezvous with destiny that would take him from the galaxy too soon—or maybe not soon enough depending who you asked—as much as she hadn't liked to think about it. And though she had loved him, Leia… Leia was different. She'd been through everything with that little princess. When no one had been there, it was her and Leia in hiding. It was Leia keeping her company that gave Ahsoka the strength to keep living when everything she'd ever known and had to live for was gone. It was Leia who comforted her after every fight with her father and would stand up to the man when she feared the man would hurt her surrogate mother. And it was Leia who defended Ahsoka when the entire galaxy wanted to persecute her for her involvement with Leia's father, who brandished a lightsaber and threatened to take over the remaining empire herself and continue the war with the rebellion if they tried. Even when Ahsoka had retreated from public view, it was the same. It was Leia who helped her start the learning retreat from force sensitives, on a planet shrouded by thick mist where they could only be found if the residents wanted to be found. Leia had always sent students and supplies and funds even though she couldn't always be there.

Ahsoka had been the only mother figure Leia knew and when she'd mostly grown out that need—only mostly because Ahsoka still remembered how she held the sobbing girl in her arms only a few years back when her son joined the First Order and a few years after that when Han had been killed by her own son's hand—when she'd mostly grown out of needing a mother, Leia became her best friend.

"I miss you princess," Ahsoka said aloud. She'd only just spoken to her the day before so it wasn't so much that she missed her, not yet really. But the idea that she would miss her in the future. That she wouldn't be able to comm her and enjoy her blunt wit, sarcasm, and teasing nature as she had grown up to be more and more like her father before he'd become a Sith the older she got. Wouldn't be able to tease the girl and remind her of her youth when Leia complained about the antics of her nieces and nephews. Wouldn't be able to go to Naboo together on or around the anniversary of her father's death and lay flowers at his and the girl's birth mother's grave.

That's what hurt the most. The things Ahsoka would miss out on in the future, despite everything she'd already experienced with the girl.

Ahsoka went and lied on the bed of the room she'd been given during her stay, until Leia's body was released to them and they could take it to Naboo for burial next to her father and birth mother. She half hoped the girl would appear to her as a force ghost and joke that her body might be dead but the galaxy couldn't be rid of her that easily. Ahsoka knew she wouldn't. In forty years, Vader—Anakin—had only appeared to her a handful of times.

Ahsoka waited anyway.

"Mom."

From where she was lying on her back, propped up on pillows, Ahsoka turned to look at Shmi. The girl had grown into the tall lean woman Ahsoka always knew she would, looking mostly human with long dark dirty blonde hair like her father's. Her rudimentary montrals hidden under her hair had never become anything more than rudimentary though she could still use them to aid her senses, but her skin just had an orange tint to it that gave away that she wasn't totally human to those who looked close enough.

When Ahsoka didn't answer her, Shmi continued, "Mom. Are you okay?"

"Would you be angry with me if I said I wanted to be with Leia," Ahsoka asked quietly.

Shmi smiled, her father's smile, and said, "No."

She loved all four of her children. But Leia… Leia had always been different.

"I love you all," Ahsoka said as she felt her eyes began to water. "But I just want to be with Leia."

"I know, mom," Shmi said reaching to grab Ahsoka's hand. "I know."

Ahsoka didn't say anything and closed her eyes.

When she opened her eyes it was dark. And she wondered if Shmi had closed the curtain in her room. But this was too dark even for that. Growing concerned, Ahsoka reached to her side to grab her lightsaber. She didn't use it much anymore seeing as she didn't see the battle field like she used to being that she was eighty years old, a fact that Leia had mercilessly teased her about even though the girl was in her sixties herself. But when pressed, she was still a formidable opponent with her lightsaber. Her surrogate grandson had learned that when he had an encounter with her after he'd joined the First Order.

Ahsoka was dismayed to find that it wasn't on her belt and cursed.

"Don't worry. There's no need for any weapons here."

Her heart stopped and leapt to her throat at the voice. She turned around to see Leia with a half-smile on her face looking almost exactly as the last time Ahsoka had seen her… almost. She looked neither young nor old if that made any sense and was wearing one of her favorite jumpsuits.

"Leia," she whispered.

"Hey Ahsoka."

Ahsoka embraced her, not caring if this manifestation was a ghost or a dream only that she had one last time to talk to her, to hold her.

"Couldn't live without me, huh?" Leia teased when they came apart.

"What are you talking about?" Ahsoka with her arms crossed as she recognized that twinkle in the woman's eyes.

"You wanted to be with me. So now you are," Leia said slowly, cautiously.

It took a while for Ahsoka to process what Leia meant and then she said slowly, "I'm… dead."

"In the physical world, yes," Leia said carefully. When Ahsoka didn't say anything she joked, "You always were the only one able to deal with me and tame my fire. I suppose the Force decided I'd be too much for the afterlife to handle without you. I haven't been here long and I already broke the rules by coming back to get you."

"What can I say? Life without you would have been boring," Ahsoka said softly in response. She hoped the rest of her family weren't too upset with her. Rather than dwelling on the grief she had likely caused in the physical world, Ahsoka asked, "Where is this?"

"This is… a transition to the other side. It can be difficult to navigate. I wasn't supposed to come get you, but when I saw you coming and..." Leia trailed off.

"Leia," Ahsoka said in a tone she rarely used on the woman anymore.

"It's dad's fault. He saw me leave and turned a blind eye to it," Leia pointed out.

Anakin always did have a soft spot for Leia. Ahsoka decided she'd fuss at Anakin later, if she remembered after she saw him again. Instead of thinking about it though, Ahsoka threw an arm around Leia's shoulder and Leia did the same to her.

"What is there to do in the afterlife?" Ahsoka asked as instinct led them in the right direction through the darkness.

"I don't know. Didn't stick around very long to find out. We can find out together."

"Oh I'm sure we will if you have anything to do with it."

Leia grinned with a mischievous twinkle in her eye that told Ahsoka that Leia had every intention of shaking things up around the afterlife. At the very least, an afterlife with Leia wasn't going to be dull.

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End file.
